It's Not About Me

Here is a thought for the day: You know you are growing up when someone else's happiness means more to you than your own. It seems pretty easy, right? Being happier for someone else. But when most of us think of being happy for someone, it is for a day, or for a moment. Then at the end of that day or moment, we are more concerned with our own well being than with that other person. It's not a crime, it's our nature. We are, first and foremost, concerned about ourselves. But what happens when on a daily basis, you are more concerned with someone else's happiness above your own?? It blows your mind, espically when you don't even think about it. That is what happened to me.
It hit me as I was texting Josh from college. And as much as I miss him, and as much as it sucks to not have him here, all I was concerned about was him. Was he happy, was he safe? My own well being did not even cross my mind. All I could think about was his well being. He did, in fact, make it there safe and sound. And he is happy. And as soon as he told me that he was happy, I felt a rush of relief over me. Like I could be happy because he was happy. That is when it hit me, that in the end, my own happiness was not the issue. This got me to thinking.
If I could be this way more, what would my life be like? Would I be a happier person? Would there be just a little more love and happiness in the world? What if we all cared about someone else's happiness over our own? I think that if we all cared more about someone else then ourselves, there would be a lot less pain in this world. That maybe, just maybe it would heal some of the pain in the world. So this is my challenge to you all out there in blog land. Think about the last time you put someone else's well being above your own. Ask yourself how it effected you. And then ask yourself why we don't do this more often.

Jumping Off The Deep End

Everyone talks about moments of faith. Moments where you are scared to death, but you know that you need to do it anyway. I have had a few minor moments like this before, but nothing like this one. I have, as many of you may already know, felt a call to be involved with youth ministry for some years now. And I have never really gone after it, because I have been afraid to take that leap. Since I have moved to Kentucky, it has become evident to me that there may be more to this than I thought there was. Maybe, just maybe God is calling me to do something more than youth ministry. Maybe God is calling me to be a christian counselor. Mostly for kids and young adults, but a counselor, nonetheless. So I have been praying about it a lot, and asking him to show me what direction he wants me to take with this. And after meeting with my pastor today, it is very clear to me that I am to go after this. So, depending on how it all works out, I am going to be going back to school for counseling. I want to stay as close to here as possible. Believe it or not, I am falling in love with the Cincinnati area. I still have to check into finantial aid and such, but my plan is to get this ball rolling here. So I am going to take that leap of faith, and take comfort in knowing that God will never let go of me. He has taken me this far, and I know he will see me the rest of the way through it. I can't let me being afraid hold me back any longer. I desire to do what God has planned for me. And letting my fear stand in the way of that is no longer an option. So I am going to put my fear aside, and go for it. It's kinda of neat, in a way. I am scared as heck, but at the same time I feel that God is going to use this to teach me more about myself, and about other people. And I know that in the end, I will be doing his will. And that, my friend, is the most exciting part of it all.

You Deserve Much Better Than Me

So, this is my first blog in a long time. And I apologize for the heaviness of this topic. We've all had people in our lives that we have had to walk away from. People that have meant the world to us, but we had to walk away. I recently had to make this decision. Let me tell you, it never gets easier. Espically when you want to wake up in the morning and text them, or call them. You are suddenly without someone who has been such a big part of your life. But in the end, you know that walking away is the best thing for both of you. You both want (and need) different things out of life. Holding onto each other would only be the beginning of the end for you both, and you know it. But this fact doesn't stop it from tearing you apart. From making it hard to breathe. From making it impossible to go through one day without thinking about that person you had to let go. I keep thinking about the statement that if you let someone go, and they come back to you, they are meant to be in your life. But the part that everyone leaves out is what happens if they don't come back? What do you do when they move on entirely, and leave you holding your broken heart in your hand? (on my gosh, that sounded emo. I apologize.) How are you supposed to pick up and move on? Nobody ever tells you what to do if they are gone for good. So what do you do? Someone out there has to know. Or do we all just walk around in agony, pretending like it doesn't kill us everyday. I have no idea.
In much, much happier news, there is 112 days until New Moon!!! That's right, I am a big enough geek that I am counting down. Deal with it. Also, Rob Zombie's H2 comes out on the 28th!!! I am gearing up for a good old fashioned slasher/horror/gore fest. It sounds just like what the doctor ordered. Rob Zombie is good for my sanity. :) What else.... oh snap! The loser who directed Blade thinks he needs to massacre "The Crow" by remaking it. I hope Brandon Lee's family is pissed off. I know I am. This guy thinks he can just waltz in and ruin one of the best movies ever. The main reason that it bothers me is that he is planning on taking out all of the essential elements that make The Crow the movie it is. Like the goth feeling and undertones. SERIOUSLY!!! if you take that away, it is not The Crow anymore. He doesn't want to honor the movie, he wants to insult it in the worst way possible. For example, when Zombie decided to remake Halloween, he added his own twists to the story. But he tried as hard as he possibly could to make it as true to the original as possible. He didn't want to let down the die hard fans of the original. Same with H2. Even though it is all his own story line, he realized that he is using Michael Meyers. So he is, once again, trying to make it as true to the franchise as possible. Maybe Zombie should tell this other director how to go about this without pissing off the true fans of "The Crow". Although I doubt the new guy would listen.
That's going to be it for now. I'll try to update more often.
Rock On,
Bella