Sometimes It Just Hurts

We've all had people in our lives that have taken our breath away. People who changed the way that we look at ourselves, people who turn our entire world upside down. And sometimes, these people stay in our lives. Then there are the other times. The times when something happens, and wether you like it or not, they are gone. And you go through everyday fooling yourself into believing that you can move on without them. You try to convince yourself that you can manage a resemblence of a normal life without that person. You down play the things that you shared with that person, you try to make them seem somehow less important to you. All in a pathetic attempt to fool yourself so you won't notice the gaping hole in your heart. Then one day, you hear that song, or you see that movie, or you drive by that place... and BAM. It hits you. The memories, the feelings, the moments. And all you can do is surrender to the flooding back in of all of the emotions that you have been working so hard to push out. You start to dream about that person, you start to wish you could talk to them again. Then the final nail in the coffin happens. You finally give in (admit it, we all do) and you look them up on MySpace or Facebook, and they are perfectly happy. They are moving on, without you.... and they are ok with it. They are smiling, they are going on about how great their birthday weekends are going to be....all without you. And then you are left sitting there, wondering if maybe you just read too much into the entire situation in the first place. Maybe they meant more to you, then you did to them. Maybe they hurt for a few days, but they moved on. Maybe they don't have the hole in their heart that you do in yours. Maybe it was all just a lie. But you don't know. And maybe you never will. All you can do is sit around, listening to the songs and watching the movies, wondering. And you'll lose sleep at night, because you are dreaming about them instead of sleeping. And you'll pray that maybe one day, that hole won't exist. And maybe you'll be happy to. Maybe you'll move on. Then again, maybe some of us are just always going to wonder.... and always going to hurt. And there is no amount of advice that can make it better, it all just temporarily numbs the pain. But it never really goes away. I'm watching the movie "A Walk To Remember". And it has got me thinking about another point. Maybe some of us, are just afraid to love who we are supposed to love. Maybe we can't all be like Shane West's charactor and have the courage to stand up for what our hearts are saying. Maybe some of us are just too damn scared. Then again maybe I am just having an emotional girl moment. And maybe all of this is me just being a paranoid psycho freak. Maybe all of this doesn't mean a damn thing in the end.