It's almost here...

You're trying too hard, and failing miserably.

This is a topic that has been bothering me for quite some time now. Seeing this picture online prompted me to finally publish this blog. I hate emo kids. I really do. I hate that because of them, I can't wear black and fuchsia together without someone asking me if I am emo. Seriously?! To be fair, my beef isn't just with these lame ass emo kids. My problem is with the whole idea that we all have to have some kind of social label. And if you don't conform to that specific label and what it deems acceptable, you're a poser. Now I know that social labels will never cease to exist. I am a realist, and I realize that cliques and labels are just a part of the dealio. My problem really is what they represent.

The whole "I'm Emo/Goth/Punk/Scene/whatever" deal started because someone didn't want to be part of the majority. They wanted to be unique, stand out, to be a non-conformist. There's nothing wrong with that at all. Everyone wants to be an individual. But by becoming emo/goth/punk/scene, you're not being an individual. You're being an emo/goth/punk/scene kid. Part of a group. A group with rules and standards and boundaries. Which, is going against your wanting to be non-conformist in the first place. See my point here? Say for example you're an emo kid. If you don't have a zillion bracelets on your arms, listen to all the right bands, wear the right colors, wear skinny jeans, etc... everyone calls you a poser. You can't be considered an emo kid unless you conform to what the emo culture says makes you an emo.



Now I know that any of you who have known me for years are going to start complaining and saying "Natalie, you were a goth kid in high school. You're no better than the kids you're complaining about." And you'd be right. In high school I was so desperate to stand out from the cookie cutter jock and bimbo population at my local high school, that I tried WAY too hard. Looking back on it now, I see just how foolish I was being. I was different from the majority of the kids at my school, but I was exactly like very other goth out there trying to be different. I had become what I was trying to avoid being, part of a clique. Now days, I don't try to be anything. There are certain people in my life who, to this day, want me to uphold a specific label so they can say that they have a goth friend. I don't care. Are there things that I like that would be considered goth? Sure. There are also many other parts of me that would have me labeled girly, punk, tomboy, and even preppy at times. The main thing is, I don't care. I am going to like what I like, no matter what. On one hand I love wearing black and watching horror movies, and on the other I love listening to Katy Perry and watching "The Hills". I am, and always will be, a mutt. I am a little of everything thrown into one female, and I don't care.

So the next time you catch yourself doing something or not liking something because you're afraid that someone will call you a poser, DO IT ANYWAY. The only true way to be a non-conformist in this world is to be who you are, like whatever you like, and not let other people tell you otherwise. That my friends, is true individuality.

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year... for me. :)

Almost all of you read that title and thought of Christmas. Make no mistake, this is not about Christmas at all. My recent distaste for that holiday will be in a later entry. (it has nothing to do with religion, I assure you.) My favorite time of year is Fall/Autumn/Harvest, whatever you may call it. There is just something magical in the air this time of year that gets to me every time. That, and football comes back. ;) Leaves change color, everyone goes to the local orchard for cider and donuts, and Halloween is right around the corner. (There will be an entry soon about why Halloween is my favorite holiday also.) There isn't really any depth or complex thought in this entry, I just wanted to remind everyone to take a moment and feel the magic that Fall brings. Go on a walk and take pictures of the scenery, go on a hayride, take the kids to the park and let them play in the fallen leaves. We all need a little bit of beauty in our otherwise stressful lives. Why not take advantage of the beauty Fall has to offer? Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go take some Fall pictures of my own... and run all those pesky errands that follow us no matter what season. At least I'll have beautiful scenery to run around in!

I'm So Sick

This is going to be more of a rant rather than an actual blog..... but just go with me on this one.

I'm sick. And not in the physical sense. I'm sick of being afraid to post things on Facebook that may offend or piss off someone. I'm sick of everyone trying to tell me what they think is best for my life, when in reality none of them know me well enough to say anything in the first place. I'm sick of not being able to let it roll off my back when others don't approve of me. I'm sick of it all. I'm really afraid I am going to either end up going crazy, or turning into a complete bitch. Neither of which I want to do. I just want to be able to have spine enough to live my life. I'm just so sick of being made to feel inadequate by damn near everyone. I'm just oh so very sick.

Patience......

For any of you who know me, you know I am not a patient person by nature. My natural curiosity levels run 3 to 4 times higher than the average person. Today my patience is being oh so tested.

In order to get my apartment, I have to wait on verification papers from work, the bank, and my apartment in Kentucky. Also, I have to wait for 3 letters of reference from people not related to me. Needless to say, there is an empty apartment with my name on it, and it's sitting vacant. I feel like there is something I should be doing, yet on the same token I know all I can do is wait now. I hate feeling helpless. I just want to get it the freak done already.

My lack of patience stems from where I am at in my life right now. I am at a crossroads of a sorts. I finally started thinking and acting for myself. And now, that I have made my decisions, I have to wait for them to take shape. I am more than ready to start this next chapter of my life. I have never felt so sure about the choices I have made. I want to get this started. Instead, I keep hitting hurdles. Maybe the hurdles are to keep me from doing too much too soon. I'm not sure yet. All I know is that I am standing on the verge of the life that I want, and I have to be patient. Maybe it's time to break out the Serenity Prayer. Who knows. On the same token, everything is falling into place, thus confirming that my choices are the correct ones. So maybe the patience is all a part of the greater scheme of things. Maybe I need to learn to breathe.

That is one blessing that I have. I have someone who keeps me breathing, keeps me grounded. More about that person in blogs to come. The situation is complicated to say the least. I also have great friends who are supporting me no matter where I go. Without these people, I would truly be going insane. I have a loving father and family to help me..... maybe I should stop my bitching and count my blessings. Anyway, I have finally gotten the lady balls to stand up for myself, and I am not going to let my lack of patience derail me. I may not have all the answers, or the results when I want them. What I do have is a great support system and the confidence that my life is finally going in the right direction. I can't wait to start living it. My way, for once. (Go ahead Stacey, say "It's about damn time!" Lol It only took me how many years to listen to you?)

Stand By Me, or Not. I don't care.

For most of you who know me, you know that I have spent a great deal of my 26 years on this planet trying to make everyone else happy. All this has gotten me is very miserable and very frustrated. After 26 years, I have decided to finally do what makes me happy. I am going to make my own choices. I am making my own decision. I am fully aware that this could create some very negative reactions, as most of you are used to me giving a shit about what you all want me to do. I have to do the things I am going to do in the next 6 months for me, and me alone. Call me selfish. Call me a bitch. I honestly don't give a flying fuck anymore. I have to start making Natalie happy, not all of you. So here we go, a new book is being written starting now. Actually, to be honest, I have already started the process of making these all important life changing choices. I figure that the people who really love me, will still be there with me when this is all said and done. If not, then I guess our relationship was awfully one sided, now wasn't it. You can be shocked at my forthcoming decisions. You can disagree with them. You can tell me I am making the biggest mistakes ever. That's all up to you. Just remember before you start yelling at me, that you have all told me at one point "I love you, and I just want you to be happy. And to do what is right for you." It's time to put your money where your mouth is.